not really a poem/song lyrics...just a rant cuz im pissed and need to vent.

im not ur fucking son, so stop thinking that i am. im never going to feel close to you, nor do i WANT to feel close to you. nothing gives me greater satisfaction than being out and away from home whenever you are there. wanna know why i dont bring my problems to you? cuz i have gotten into arguments with you people about my issues (u guys not knowing what my issues are) and i have seen how bigoted and absolutely bullshit you are with them. i cannot wait to get out. honestly. once i am done with college i will not be talking to you again, and i have no regrets about that whatsoever. when i come home and get fucking yelled at for NOTHING, i am not gonna take that. im not someone u can take ur problems out on and think that im just going to sit there and take it. im too independent and too short-fused to deal with that. if it wouldnt eff me over completely i would leave..but i cant. i dont have the money to survive on my own and pay for college too...which fucking sucks cuz if i did it would be 4 years earlier that i wouldnt have to deal with this bullshit. you people put on the loving mask whenever it has anything to do with the public eye, and then as soon as that is gone, you rip it off and say what you really think of me. just...fuck off. seriously. i dont need parents, i dont want parents. leave me the hell alone and ill leave you alone. i dont want to deal with you, and i dont feel like coming home to a warzone every single day.

end transmission.

The Stars Look So Bright Tonight...

I gaze out my window and look up at the inky blackness above,
The twinkling brightness against the sheet of dark catch my attention and my thoughts.
The question of eternity crosses my mind -
"Just how many are there?"
I start to count, but after a while i forget where i was and give up, like so many before me.

Then i ponder, "Would anyone even realize that one had burned out?"
The brilliance of each individual star mystefies all those that take the time to admire upward,
But the sheer numbers prevent a single one's absence from being noticed.
Lucky, lucky star that burns out tonight, i envy you.

Surrounded by countless others,
I wonder the same about myself.
"Does anyone really notice when i have burnt out?"
Gliding through daily life, no one notices the energy vanishing with each passing moment.
Just another night, a star burning its last flames, a life on the edge.

when the first skip happens in your pulse, you think nothing of it.
"its just a crush..it doesnt mean anything" is the thoughts in your mind.
but then the thoughts never seem to go away, and before you can stop it, you realize that it really isnt just a crush.
theyr the person that you truly care about. the person that you would do anything for. the person you love.

someone told me that being in love is looking at someone and not seeing any faults. i promptly disagreed with them.

loving someone is seeing someone, realizing their faults or shortcomings, and feeling the same way and supporting those areas even more. love isnt blind, its the most informed decision that one can make. there is nothing more powerful in the universe than the power of that true love. whether it is for a parent caring so deeply for their child or a husband doing whatever it takes for his wife to have what she needs, the same principle applies. love isnt something that takes control of our body and makes us do anything. we feel love, and accordingly choose to act not for ourselves, but for the other person's best interests. i thought i had found that love before in my life, but i was wrong. i cared very much about some people, but now that i have found love in its true form, i can truly look back and see that i had been wrong before. lust, infatuation, and even deep affection i had found..but until now, never true love. and because i found that, i have completely changed as a man, and willingly done so. nothing brings me greater happiness than seeing her smile, or knowing that i have found the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with, continually dedicating myself to her.

this will go unrealized for a lot of people. but for a lot of people, they know what i mean. i am positive that some people reading this will instantly think of someone in their own lives that they feel the same about. and, conversely, some people reading this will scoff and think i am wrong. neither one is right, for both are the individual's opinions. but for the second case, i ask that you at least hear me, and remember these words when you find someone that you feel the same towards, and realize that these are not meant to brainwash anyone. if any of this is extremely right or wrong, please comment and let me know if i should consider changing it.

i am in the process of writing some new stuff..we'll see how it comes out. theyr actual songs this time with the music playing in my head, so hopefully i can piece it all together *crosses fingers* but for now, im just gonna do some off-the-cuff rambling to vent out feelings...nowhere near a final copy mind you

falling..failing with no intention of attempting to stop the cycle
the battling voices draw me to opposing sides in my own mind
i dont even want to continue doing it..but at this point i question my ability to stop
even now as my hand shakes while the keys strike dissonant chords in the blackness, i wonder how strong i truly am to pull this off..
then comes the times that i get to look deep into her eyes, or hold her close to my heart in my arms for what seems like an instant but really has been hours..and i get some renewed strength
some incentive to look forward..some reinforcement to push through the urges, to silence the voices..
the prospect of a life with her gives the power to draw in my next breath and push my hand away from the impending damage
this night marks the beginning..

it marks the start of the end of my vice. not for my own sake, but for the future..and the knowledge that to truly make her happy i must stop this. este es el empiezo querida..espero que pueda ser el hombre que quieres

Goodnight shouldn’t mean goodbye,

Goodnight just should mean closing my eyes,

And feeling your warmth next to me as I drift off to sleep.

Just you nearby calms my nerves,

And protects me as I sleep.

Having you in my arms tonight just feels so right,

Why does that have to be interrupted until the next time I can see you?

Waking up with you there beside me just seems like the perfect dream,

Even though I already know that you’re not a figment of my imagination.

With your arms wrapped around me

I know that nothing can happen to me,

And I never want that feeling to abate